The Daanberg Institute for Higher Education and Achievement in Advancement of Arts and Sciences Theory and Transcendent Rationalization Disciplines is the successor corporation to the Daanberg Foundation School and Retreat founded in 1841 by Douglas Georg Emmett von Daanberg, 14th Baron Unterhaus Zunge Geschwollen.
Born in Woanders in 1853, Daanberg was the sixth child of the barren Baroness, Magdaberte Geschwollen. While raised in an atmosphere of almost godlike wealth and power, little Daany quickly became bored with playing with local lives and embarked upon his most exciting adventure: to the New Vorld!
Daany first went to see his friend Mr. Squirrelkitschen, who lived in a precious little house in a tree at the edge of the lovely Waldvonblutigentod Forest.
“Mr. Squirrelkitschen, I have many riches and all the peasants treat me like the Second Coming. But I am ever so bored. What should I do with my life?”
Mr. Squirrelkitschen paused, deep in thought. He took a nut from his nut sack and chomped thoughtfully. He tried to think of a way that he could get back to his online casino USA as soon as possible.
“Little Daany, do you like apples?” Mr. Squirrelkitschen finally asked.
“Do I ever! I can’t ever stop talking about them!”
“Do you like windows?”
“Not so much, but sometimes, when I run out of apples…”
“Do you like internets?”
“I love them. The tubes, the tubes! I could live my whole life, never growing up, just doing things and posting videos and pictures and links about the things that I or my supposed friends have done. Online slots? Fahgeddaboutit! Yay, Internetzs!”
Mr. Squirrelkitschen chuckled, a small dribble of brownish phlegm discoloring his lower lip and chin. “Well, then, little Daanisczhe, it’s as clear a bull’s bells! You must go to America!”
“But I love my native homeland of Woanders. The Waldvonblutigentod Forest, the sparkling waters of Fluss Nachgeburt…whatever will I do without them?”
Mr. Squirrelkitschen poked Daany in the chest with a furry and surprisingly strong and pointed claw finger. “You will start the most strict and exclusive university in ze world! Create your own army of wealthy, charismatic graduates who will slip into positions of power and influence! Zen you vill be invincible!”
“Yay!” screamed Daany, running off into the lurking nacht.
